Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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