i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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