When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
