So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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