This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
