Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He passed out mid-signature
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
