I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
