so explain again why im purple
no
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
