..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
