would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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