Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
