it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
