Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
