I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
