can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
