wanna go halves on a baby?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
