This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
