Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
