i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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