So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
