I wish I could teleport
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
