I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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