i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
