Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize