I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
how does that bad decision feel?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
