Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think your dad took our porno
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
