Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
