k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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