so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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