Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
