omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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