Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
