idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
