I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let the clothes fall where they may.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
