somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
