Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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