cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
