bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
