my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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