I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
