I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
