call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
