your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
