yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
