just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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