Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
