hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
