Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
