go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
