I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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