I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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