I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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