yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my being single is dangerous.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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